this is what my therapist and i have decided.

he says that my diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder sparked a short-term sort of heavy-depression that lasted for about a month -- october. it involved insomnia, loss of appetite, and.. well, all sorts of depression-like things.

but! that is over and behind me, and it's a new quarter and i'll get my grades set right again. i don't think i'll ever really feel like an avoidant, but i don't think it's something you feel, it's just something you.. are, sort of.

anyway, i developed a kind of bad habit out of that little episode, and i've taken to biting myself. it doesn't actually hurt all that much and it doesn't leave scars, but it is technically considered self-harm, and about a week ago i had a little breakdown just before spanish class and got to visit the guidance councilor, who thought i was cutting! i kind of wanted to laugh in her face when i realized that i would fit all the sort of general areas of emo. i explained the biting thing and she's given me some rubber bands that i wear around my wrist now, and whenever i get the "urge" to bite i can snap instead, which is less painful and savage-looking. much more discreet. which is all it feels like it's about anymore: how many people are watching?

anyway, to actually talk about something other than my newfound mental disorders:

california!

december.. eighteenth, i think it is? i'll be staying for christmas and my birthday! i want to see annie and christiane and paigey and michelle, and turn fourteen with the people i want to hang out with. i love ferris here, but it's either stay here with ferris or go to my beloved state with all my other good friends so um. GUESS WHICH ONE WINS OUT.

anyway we're not entirely sure the plan yet -- i think we'll be spending my actual birthday and christmas up with my grandparents -- but the other days, we'll likely be in california!

man, i feel old. i need a rickety rocking chair and a war to ramble on about.

in other news, toothpaste for dinner is still amazing: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/

since my diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder, i've been going down some sort of downward hill. my grades have been dropping, i've stopped studying for tests, i've been staring off into space more often, i have trouble remembering things, i've been getting frequent and random headaches/stomach pains, the thought of people asking me questions in public makes my heart race, and i didn't sleep yesterday, or the day before. ...my first two all-nighters and.. they were boring. i have to sleep tonight because ferris says that after about three days, you start hallucinating, and some psychosis-symptom isn't going to make me feel better about being normal.

it's not that i don't feel normal, i just feel.. stupid.

should i take meds, do you think? i mean.. i promised myself i wouldn't. but - i don't want to spend another night up worrying, and i don't want to speak three words a day anymore, and i'm.. tired.

this is silly, and i know it's silly. i'm thirteen years old and a freshman in high school. i should be old enough to be over melodrama.

i used to be unhappy that so few people read my journals. now i'm pretty sure it's just annie, and thank god, because MOAR PEOPLE reading me is not what i need.

mr. washington.. dr. washington, whatever, says we're going to start getting to the behavioral part of cognitive-behavior therapy, which only makes the nervousness worse. he says he wants to start by seeing if we can cut off my computer game intake, because it's only encouraging isolation and.. "feelings of inadequacy."

michelle got a boyfriend. i found this out from one of the many chain messages she's been sending. they're on "ilu" basis now. i was happy for her, and then.. i wasn't, and i'm a terrible friend, if you want to call me that, who gets jealous of her best friend and her abercrombie boyfriend who text each other secretly in health class and express feelings of gratification with emoticons and found out through some fucking chain message that described her as "teal" because she's "taken, and happy."

i will stop being emo tomorrow. and that is a promise you know i will not be keeping.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

wow. ..I thought they were kidding.

in other news, I am prepared to have all of Zack Parson's children.   http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/evolution-average-man.php

aaaand. I did get a therapist. his name is Carey Washington. I saw him last Monday and I see him tomorrow. he's really nice and speaks slow southern and has diagnosed me already. he also thinks I might have avpd (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder) so we're going to talk more about that. and I still refuse to take medication, and he stands by me in that decision, so I think we're going to keep him.

..I haven't been answering my email. so sorry about that, really. I know christiane is pissed. and I haven't been on AIM in a long time. looks like my recluse tendencies weren't just a bluff.

hope everyone's all right! things are going okay here.

it's august first and orientation starts on the ninth, and then actual forrealz school on the seventeenth, and I got a new hairstyle today! honeyed highlights and cut short to frame my face but long in the back. and the lady showed me a way that looks pretty good to have it up! yay.

because I'm going to a whole new high school where I don't know anyone etc. etc., my parents are considering medication for my social anxiety disorder, but my dad's very much against it, so I might just get some counseling. dad's got it too and he's never had medication or counseling so he's all for me dealing with this on my own, but my mom is all for me learning how to open up with a counselor or letting the pills do that for me, and idk, I don't really want medication and idk what a counselor will do for me but maybe I could try.

I promise I promise I will look at all your journals now.

my two most recent writings:



and that's it.

yes I know, three journals in three days, but this one is really really important.

TODAY IS COMFORT EAGLE'S BIRTHDAY OH YES.

since this is a religious holiday, as the birthday of not only the comfort eagle album, but the song itself, I shall only listen to comfort eagle on repeat all day, and I will be sure to leave it on when I leave the room so the people outside my window don't miss out while I'm gone.

ferris and I might go downtown for some real celebrating.

for those of you who would like to hear it!: http://www.abordage.net/media/cake__comfort_eagle__074735100_1513_26042007.mp3

and in further tribute, I shall enrich your lives with the lyrics:

"We are building a religion
We are building it bigger
We are widening the corridors
And adding more lanes

We are building a religion
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers
For these pendant key chains

To resist it is useless
It is useless to resist it
His cigarette is burning
But he never seems to ash

He is grooming his poodle
He is living comfort eagle
You can meet at his location
But you better come with cash

Now his hat is on backwards
He can show you his tatoos
He is in the music business
He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now today is tomorrow
And tomorrow today
And yesterday is weaving in and out

And the fluffy white lines
That the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front
Of the waning of the moon

He is handling the money
He's serving the food
He knows about your party
He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now do you believe
In the one big sign
The doublewide shine
On the bootheels of your prime

Doesn't matter if you're skinny
Doesn't matter if you're fat
You can dress up like a sultan
In your onion head hat

We are building a religion
We are making a brand
We're the only ones to turn to
When your castles turn to sand

Take a bite of this apple
Mr. corporate events
Take a walk through the jungle
Of cardboard shanties and tents

Some people drink Pepsi
Some people drink Coke
The wacky morning DJ
Says democracy's a joke

He says now do you believe
In the one big song
He's now accepting callers
Who would like to think along

He says, do you believe
In the one true edge
By fastening your safety belts
And stepping towards the ledge

He is handling the money
He is serving the food
He is now accepting callers
He is calling me "DUDE!"

Now do you believe
In the one big sign
The doublewide shine
On the bootheels of your prime

There's no need to ask directions
If you ever lose your mind
We're behind you
We're behind you
And let us please remind you
We can send a car to find you
If you ever lose your way

We are building a religion
We are building it bigger
We are building
A religion
A limited
Edition

We are now accepting callers...
For these beautiful...
Pendant keychains"

and the artist - CAKE's webpage: http://www.cakemusic.com/index2.html

no, that's not my homepage, shush.

I found the book of mormon in my bookcase.

well then.

I decided to read it but I forgot what it was talking about after a while. it was like one big huge long runon sentence.

it sounds like this guy, Nephi, is justifying himself most of the time. he said like, "the Lord likes me and I have seen a lot of things in my life and the Lord really, really likes me, so I have decided to make this bible. yes, I do make a bible! and this bible is true, because the Lord really, really likes me. my father was in Jerusalem for all his days, so I really do know what I'm talking about. and then there was some praying and there was this pillar of fire, and then the Spirit capital S took him, and this bible is really, really great."

I kind of like the design of it, though. gold letters, all plain and dark blue. this Nephi guy did a good job.

oh, I am so going to hell.

now for chapter 2!



yes, I do have summer reading, shut up. >>;






I could just read death note instead.




:D

I'm a FRESHMAN.

yes yes yesyesyyesyeys

I was enrolled today.

I have my schedule!!!

omgomgomg.

it's two semesters and the schedule doesn't change, I have the same first period every day and the same second period etc. the only difference is one of my electives, this semester I'm taking health and then next semester I'm taking journalism I.

it looks like this:

First period: Algebra 1, Part 1
Second period: World Geography Honors
Third period: English I Honors
Fourth period: Physical Science
Fifth period: Spanish I CP
Sixth period: Health/Journalism I
Seventh period: Female Ensemble

yes, that's right, kids. I'm taking choir.

not my choice. there were three electives open for seventh period: word document processing (which is like super easy computer science work and is recommended for people not good at english or working with computers), recreational activities (which is like PE except it doesn't count for a credit), and female ensemble choir. so I was like ..okay, choir then?

I'm a little disappointed I couldn't get into creative writing, but the guy who teaches creative writing teaches my Journalism and English Honors classes, so mom says I should be able to get in next year if I impress him or w/e. I enrolled late so I'm not surprised I didn't get very many choices.

even though it's a public school, it's still kind of tight. you have to have your student ID on you at all times, visibly, and it has to be on your torso. so no clipping it to pants or tucking it in your pocket. I might wear it around my neck because I think that's easier than clipping it to a shirt or jacket or something. also, even though it's no uniform, you have to have your shirt tucked in anyway. blah. and cell phones still aren't allowed, etc.

orientation is on the ninth of august and school starts the seventeenth. man, summer's closing in on me! I'm so used to school starting after labor day!

they have this handy-dandy thing, too, where every eighteen students share a counselor, who is a "young adult" around 20 years old, who meet with you twice during the school year and talk about career and graduation plans, and how you're going to get all your credits and whatnot. I think it's kind of neat, because I have no idea what to do about career, and my parents never pursued anything in writing so they don't know either. now I have someone to ask all my questions to.

also, omg, I only have to take one year of required PE. isn't that awesome?!12121?! dude. yes. I tried to take it this year but it was full, though it's not a loss, really. I'll just try for next year. just get it over with, seriously.

also, school starts at eight thirty, which is awesome. I can start getting up at like, seven thirty, considering school isn't very far away and I can start taking quicker showers. this beats six thirty, which I had to get up at to get to ACS. oh, and on Wednesdays, they begin late! Late Wednesdays, school starts at nine thirty.

man, this is awesome.

something's going to go wrong, I know it. high school isn't allowed to sound this awesome.

in other news, um.

well, okay, there isn't any other news.

I might go swimming today?

ack ack ack I still have summer reading.

"If it's a console title, the main character WILL ALWAYS have spiky hair of some odd, unnatural color and lug around a humongous, penis-size-compensating sword. The spiky hair helps express how different your character is from everyone else in the game world, without actually being different or making the developers create an interesting character. If the main character is a female, she will limit her wardrobe to clothing which is so tight that it suffocates every single skin pore and melds into her epidermal layer."

"Men are always stronger than women, but women are always more agile then men. Strangely enough, either sex can effortlessly lug around 100 healing potions and a sword the size of a city bus. At the end of any given fight, a man's first reaction is to place his hands on his hips somberly, while a woman will jump in the air like a cheerleader with her mouth open, clapping her hands or giving a peace sign depending on whether her mood is "ditzy" or "really fucking ditzy." "

"Many insects and animals carry around money and other things such as healing potions or magic herbs. They choose to haul these items around with them because the banks in town refuse to open up accounts for "deadly moths" and "some kind of evil wombat-goose creature." These encumbered creatures lead you to believe that maybe some powerful wizard didn't really steal the planet-saving artifact you're after in the first place. Perhaps it was just one of those kleptomaniac chipmunks, and the world could be saved by laying some traps around town with a set of shiny keys or a duplicate artifact as bait. Well, unless it was one of those kleptomaniac POISON ROCK HELL WIZARD HORSE chipmunks."

"No enemy can stop you except, well, non-enemies. While traveling, some obstacles will invariably block your passage. Such intimidating objects as three foot high rocks, sleeping fat men, and pretty tall grass are sure to keep even the most valiant warriors (who are the world's last hope) at bay. Sure, you can cast a spell that sucks 50 enemies into a whirling vortex of hell, but if the bridge is out or there's a somewhat large rock in your path, you're screwed and might as well give up."

"It's also worth noting that almost every form of liquid is extremely helpful. In fact, any status or effect can be fixed by drinking a beverage of some kind! Most shops carry the "confusion-causing purple rattlesnake of upper west side Pittsburgh" antivenom, despite the fact that there is no Pittsburgh in the game. If there was, however, you'd be able to laugh that purple rattlesnake in the face as you shrugged off its only attack! Even death can be cured by a potion, so the only way a wizard could really fuck you up is by casting his "close mouth" spell on you. Luckily, in that case you'd be able to respond with the powerful "..." counterattack." "

"In this case, finding the woman's missing rolling pin will somehow fix the couple's shaky marriage. In return for the hour of your life you'll spend finding it, you'll be awarded with either a piece of armor you already have, or a completely useless item such as the "Cracked Mirror" or "Stylish Feather." Examining these items will result in wildly insightful information such as "This mirror... it appears to be cracked," or "A feather of stylish origin. It reminds me of something...""

"The "..." is a valid form of communication no matter where you go, and can denote anything from surprise to happiness to death."

man, I love somethingawful.com.

this is so true, about rpg games.

if you want to view the full article: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/guides/guide-how-survive.php

more lmao:

"YOU: Hey man, did you check out that site URL I just sent you?
DOCTOR HARDASS: fuck u u fucken faggot shitfucking fucker
DOCTOR HARDASS: im gunna hunt u down and break ur fucken neck u stuped asshole FUCK U!!!!
DOCTOR HARDASS: u fucken queer ass faggot pussy fucker gay homosexual fag faggy fucker fagot ass fuck!!!
DOCTOR HARDASS: stop being so fucken stuped u fucking fag fucker
DOCTOR HARDASS: im gonna through u thru a window and stomp on ur face with my combat boots u fag
YOU: Does that mean you got the URL?"

"Tired of having to type long and complex words such as "you", "mate", and "see you later," LingoMaster 2000 has mastered the art of "Internet Shorthand," which allows him to compose messages with the greatest of ease! He knows so many shortcuts that he has the ability to compact and compress the entire set of works by William Shakespeare into 11 words. This saves him valuable time and energy which can be used to download all the missing episodes of Pokemon onto his 900 zillion gig hard drive.

YOU: Hey man, did you check out that site URL I just sent you?
LINGOMASTER 2000: y, when u send? been 4ever.
YOU: Send? Y? U? What?
LINGOMASTER 2000: afaik, u been afk
YOU: Huh?
LINGOMASTER 2000: lol, u bhof, bm!!! nfi what ur TA!
YOU: What's wrong with you?
LINGOMASTER 2000: ROTM! nmt, so sh, u wank... tlgo...
YOU: DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
LINGOMASTER 2000: wgaff"

"Hey fellahs! Are you ready to party? The Wild and Crazy ICQ Queen sure is! No matter what hour of the night or day, she'll be up and chatting away, spewing mindless Internet lingo and digital hugs and kisses to her special Internet buddies, who all probably have photos of kittens and bunnies as their Windows background. She loves love! Get ready to see some hardcore "rolling on the floor with laughter" action when the Wild and Crazy ICQ Queen logs on to cyberspace!"

the source of this love: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/guides/guide-instant-messaging.php?page=1

in other news... I got and finished harry potter 7 today :D

LONG LIVE RON/HERMIONE

D: I am such a fangirl, man.

so the foot's healing up nicely! I've been out of the splint for about a week now and all it really does is ache. ferris has been bugging me to go roller blading with her but really, I don't think my leg could take it yet.

the move went comfortably. I went the entire way in the moving truck (penske-197) because it had the most leg/foot room. the cats are fine though I'm sure they're drawing caricatures of us behind our backs, etc. poor lizzie's cage isn't properly set up yet.

so, um, I'm southern. ..ya'll?

turns out they've got over five chicken-only fast food places here. I've only been to two: Chick-A-Fill-A and Popeye's, though ferris can name like seventy and a half.

MY PARENTS ARE CONTEMPLATING LETTING ME GET A DOG :D

fourth of july was nice. we saw the fireworks at Fort Jackson with ferris and her mom. damn though, it took like four hours to get in and it was about one hour of waiting on the bleachers for idk, fifteen minutes of unadulterated yelling.

and someone was arrested the other day for throwing a fire cracker at one of those firework tents - setting all of them off. I wish they had footage!

I woke up late this morning.. well, afternoon, and for two hours now I've been solely downloading firefox addons. yes, now I can tell the weather for RIGHT NOW, today, tonight, tomorrow, tuesday, and wednesday; I have an entire updating calendar/reminder/todolist thing that is filled in all the way to 2009; an update tool that finds updates for the webpage you're currently on; a measuring thing that tells you how many pixels ___ is; and that is just the things on my toolbar so far. I'm still going! whoo.

tomorrow I am supposed to get a shipment from amazon.com of all my new books.

ANNIE GOT ME HOOKED ON SOME CHILDREN'S SERIES goddammit.

I finished the first one and I was like "..that was terrible and.. I want to read all the rest" so we went to Books-A-Million (the Borders of South Carolina) but they DIDN'T HAVE IT so I ordered like the next five and I'm finishing up this other trilogy. I've read Uglies and Pretties and Specials should also come tomorrow.

and the Death Note manga that annie also convinced me to buy is sort of sitting on my nightstand. I'm supposed to read it but I am so afraid of getting hooked, dude. maybe I'll read it tonight...

BAH HUMBUG.

I wrote something that i'm kind of a little proud of so I may post it later.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA everyone needs to watch this or I will be SEEING YOU AFTER CLASS :0

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/browse enrich your life plz.

dude in thirty minutes I will not  have eaten for twenty-four hours. I think it is time to bug the parents.

school starts on August 20. I don't remember if I said this, but my new mascot? it's a silver horse head with purple hair. my school. has a giant. purple. roof.

no!

yes.

that is all.

I want to know what a fucking psycho reads like.










EDIT;; so um, I kind of sort of sprained my ankle today. pretty bad. it's swollen up like a baseball and it throbs and I'm on five advil.

now all I have to do is move across the country on tuesday and I'll be set for life.







[sorry I haven't been posting or anything - just busy. zack's gonna be fine.
=)]

so I was going to make this long selfish entry about graduation today but

graci, my aunt, she called.

zacky - my cousin, her two-year-old son - he fell.


off of her apartment balcony.

she's at least two stories up because she's got stairs.

they're in the emergency room. he's got a broken skull and they're going to do brain surgery.

graci's hysterical.

mom's hysterical.

I'm in my own version of hysteria

I love zacky. dude I cried I command. as soon as mom started saying not the baby, please not the baby I started.

I'm not religious and I really wish I believe in god so I could talk to someone in control.

I'll do the atheist version of praying.

hope.

I love you, zacky. all the way over in new york. across the country. love.

I had no idea what mood to put - somewhere between depressed and shocked and upset and raging and hysterical and crying and really tired and distressed and I picked scared because I don't want him to die, I haven't lost someone in like seven years, I don't know what it feels like, I'm not ready and he's not ready, dear god he's two!

EDIT;; mom called graci back.

good news!! zacky's conscious and awake and he said three words to his mom - "my head hurts." and the fact that he's awake and breathing and talking and that he can recognize the pain poses a very high chance of survival!!!!11

there's bleeding - the doctors don't know if it's just on the surface or internal yet. and there's a good chance the brain surgery won't kill him. god! he's going to live!

the doctors said that there's a high chance of something long-term, like seizures or slight brain damage. but then again, he still might not get that.

I never want my loved ones to be threatened like this ever again plz.

I was just reading a lyric from the band The Boy Least Likely To and it was kind of ironic/reassuring

"Everything ends the way it begins
God takes care of the little things."

last night was the infamous last social (dance) at school. dear god.

I remember sixth grade when I went, and I went home all confused, like, "I don't know, everyone was crying all the time, I tried to get out ASAP."

and then seventh grade - "dammit, another year here, I'll miss annie and maybe sydney." I cried a little last year when sydney started.

this year?

I sobbed.

I'm completely serious. shuddering, large sobs. it was so stupid.

the time actually went by kind of fast - we had like three snowballs and one slow song, the rest of it was all rap music and "hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend." I was on time, emma came at like eight. before I knew what was happening, there was ten minutes left, and rachel b. was the first to start crying. then all of team bella started pouring out tears, along with emma and kayla.

I couldn't cry. my eyes were totally dry. I felt heartless, but kind of thankful, because I didn't want to just start crying in front of everyone.

and then it kind of hit me - I'm moving. south carolina. south-fucking-carolina. it's not just a we're-going-to-different-high-schools-maybe-I'll-see-you-around. this was a complete I'm-never-going-to-see-these-people-again.

and then I wanted to throw up because this is the hardest moving's ever really hit me, but instead the vomit came all out my eyes and I sobbed just as hard as jamie and holly and rachel and emma and all them.

I had started crying around the time we were supposed to be in a circle. most of us lingered around the edges and very few people actually held hands, and the circle broke quickly and easily.

and then it was.. over. they told us we had to pick up three pieces of trash and then leave.

most of the sixth graders and seventh graders left, but the majority of us eighth graders stayed - all us crying ones and a few dry eyes. I was so shocked - almost all the girls were crying (the ones who weren't: megan, krystal, paige, natalie, mckayla) and about a quarter of the boys (the ones who were: christian, matt, bryan, markus, and vance cried a little)

and we all just hung out there for like ten minutes afterwards, sobbing and hugging everyone. I hugged people I didn't think would even cry or arrive at my funeral - people I never really liked, people I had gossiped about, people who had disliked me back. I gave some people high-fives - I 'fived ben and arjun and bryan and torrey and mckayla and natalie and paige and christiane and vance, and I high-fived markus but then he held my hand and we moved in and hugged and it was weird but I kind of needed it.

jamie and rachel b and holly hugged me for the longest time, really cried on my shoulder and I found myself telling them I was sorry, and rachel told me a thousand times over not to move, please.

I even hugged christian. christian! he was crying so hard, I even felt bad for him - the boy who was never really accepted here. there were reasons why, of course, but god. I had my three pieces of trash in my hand and I said "christian" and he came over and hugged me and all I said was "I'm so sorry I've got trash in my hand" and he said "thank you."

kayla hugged me four times, emma twice. the last person I hugged was steven.

it took us literally fifteen minutes to get out of there, and then me wandering around for three minutes looking for my dad and trying to figure out how I had gotten outside.

and now I understand what it was like for all those eighth graders last year, why we sat and made fun of them, how stupid we must've looked. I swear we cried five times harder than last years' eighth graders.

and I can't believe I cried for this school.

-

I also went to the boardwalk yesterday. yearbook students get to. in the morning, we got to see the yearbooks for the first time ever, beautiful and published, and we got to flip through them for like ten minutes and look for mistakes (I found like three, none of them on the pages I made yay!) and we have the yearbook assembly on tuesday, where I am supposed to speak. the boardwalk was fun - emma went off with emily because they're both these huge thrill-seekers and I hate hatehatehaaaate rollercoasters - I can take moderate thrills but things that go upside-down or sideways or something might be too much for me. so instead I spent the day with paige and christiane - paige is totally insane and loves all thrill rides including drop-zone, but christiane is more my speed, which was good.

and now I've got a sunburn where I would like freckles, please.

-

today I'm going with michelle to get my graduation dress, and then we're going to try to organize some sort of sleep-over. tomorrow I'm going to emma's play at 2:30 and I have to do my homework.

this is my last weekend where I have school next week.


what?

yayy now my profile's all beautiful.

so. life. (ew.)

I'm moving. oh shiiiiiiit, demolition squid-style, right? south carolina. across the country! ._.; my parents are just insane enough to drive there. that's right. six days on the road with my noisy maggie, barfing slinky and eerily silent lizzie.

plus the moving truck and all the boxes in our cars and stopping at motels and oh these six days of moving are just going to define the word fun!

it's funny, we didn't really think we'd end up choosing to move there. we were doing a tour of North Carolina because my parents were really happy with the jobs in that state, and I realized one of my best friends ever, Ferris (who I met online last year, we started talking last august or september or so, and we've never stopped - we talk practically daily, and, to be completely honest, I tell her everything, out of everyone I've ever known in my entire life, she knows the most about me) - anyway, Ferris lives in South Carolina. my mom remembered me telling her and decided we could go down and visit her for the day, and that they'd drive around the city and see if it looks okay.

turns out my parents loved the city. and, after researching it online, it's got good job opportunities.

and.. now that's where we're going.

I think I'll actually be okay in South Carolina. I don't mind eating lunch alone and I think I'll be okay if I don't make friends in high school, and outside of school I'll have Ferris, who is more than enough. we're already planning what we're going to do together - baking, going to the movies, watching reruns - basically, not-exercising and getting fat and having a damn good time while it's happening.

it's not-being here that I'll have a hard time with.

California and South Carolina are two very very different places. California's all sunny and surf's-up and tans and bikinis and mexican food and god, all that stereotypical stuff. whereas South Carolina.. well, it gets a reputation for being full of hicks and southern nonsense, but actually, the city's not that bad at all. the accent is pretty scarce, considering it's South Carolina, I mean. it's more gentlemanly southern, not like hicktown.

people there are more friendly, I noticed. when I was with Ferris at Starbucks, the guy behind the counter talked to us all friendly-like - a lady we'd never seen before asked us a polite question on the street - a girl Ferris obscurely knows stopped and chatted. it was definitely a change from here's-your-receipt-please-leave-now.

and getting away from goddamned ACS! just think about it: no chance of meeting Kayla. ever. again.

I never. have to hear. her voice. again.

woah.

South Carolina's starting to sound damn good.

but.. I love this city. I will always be Californian, I don't care how many years I spend in South Carolina.

and when I think about it.. I'm never going to live here again. I mean, unless I choose to live here or settle down here later in life, this is it. This is my last... less than a month, now! we're moving the 18th of June. what?

we're staying in South Carolina to the end of high school. four years. and then it's.. well, hopefully college! anyway, I'll most likely be on my own, and.. I wonder what college will take me?

I am getting kind of ahead of myself.

as for the rest of my life.. I don't even want to talk about ACS. it's got the most messed up social network I've ever been involved in. I met some really, really awesome people, got to know them etc., (Paige, Krystal, Megan, Natalie, McKayla, Rachel B. ((her I totally wasn't expecting to be cool!)), Christiane) and now I feel horrible I didn't try to see that earlier. emma and I are on unsteady ground. kayla.. god, kayla. and I've realized that there's so much more to HK than meets the eye; half the time I want to smack her and the other half I want to set her on a pedestal. she got me out of one of my breakdowns right there at the end of school and I almost called her Saint Rachel HK, I swear to god.

haha, so much for not talking about ACS.

that's mostly it for lately. all the months I didn't update, this was happening.

oh, in November, I moved into this townhouse. I don't remember if I ever updated on that. anyway, this townhouse is sold (we were renting it) and as I mentioned earlier, I'm moving out on the 18th.

school ends the 7th. graduation must be the 8th then. or maybe it's school ends on the 6th and graduation is on the 7th? oh well. I don't know anymore. all I know is that it's less than two weeks. holy shit.

I hardly ever go on AIM anymore, apologies. it messed up my computer a few times and I just don't trust it anymore! I use YIM, but I save that for good friends - if you are one, message me, I'll hand it over :D

my writing has improved a ton, jesus god. it's still not good, but you know, always room for improvement or whatever.

here's three of the latest things I've finished - thank god for LJ-cuts, eh? smeared is about my current relationship with Emma, repetition is me experimenting with relationships, and ammunition is my response to a prompt a friend gave me: "so, you've got a gun: you shoot, or no?"



I saw Pirates 3 today. no spoilers, I promise. I thought it was pretty awesome, but it gets rather repetitive after a while - it's nearly a photocopy of the second movie. I mean, the first movie was like woah, this has never been done before, the second movie was like woah, stunning graphics!, and the third movie is like woah, this is just like the other two, what?

but it waaayyyy beat Spider-Man 3, oh my god. I was ready to slap spiderman silly - I was sitting in the theatre going oh god, you're not going to cry about mary-jane again, are you? - oh god, you are. I'm sorry, I didn't - I didn't mean it like that! you can stop crying!

OH LAWD.

twice. two crying scenes in PotC3. one was a single tear, the other was just someone crying softly. spider-man had already beaten this record in the first ten minutes.

we also went to my cousin's barbecue. turns out they went to fanime, which I only heard about yesterday. my cousin actually got a sword there! well, politically-correctly, it's a katana, and technically, his mom bought it since you have to be over eighteen (he's almost fifteen.) but it's his. he takes martial arts classes, karate or whatever, but his parents won't let him unsheathe it all the way until he takes katana lessons. sucks. I wanted to see the tip.

they also have a flamethrower. I'm dead serious. my uncle, the pyro.

...so how is everyone else?

now, if you will excuse me, I believe I hear Oblivion calling.

this is darth_leezard - sort of.

I've changed. a lot has happened over a year and.. dear lord, I've changed.

and I was going to go back to my old account, but.. reading through some of my old posts, I just got so embarrassed. I wanted LiveJournal to be a place where I came to get stuff off my chest, and it only got me more worked up.

so I'm starting over. nice and fresh and clean.

how is everyone?

I'll have updates on me a little later. right now I'm still making LiveJournal comfortable. darth_leezard was way uncomfortable, like trying to fit into a tight triangle.

I'm also going to try to keep things a little less personal. I think I'll come up with nicknames for everyone in my new life (as eighth grade ends and - well, long story) so I won't have to call them by their actual names, and they'll have a harder time figuring out it's them I'm talking about or if it's even me if they come across my page.

I can't wait to re-meet you guys. :D

so no, this isn't darth_leezard. this is xcomforteagle.

hello.