so I was going to make this long selfish entry about graduation today but

graci, my aunt, she called.

zacky - my cousin, her two-year-old son - he fell.


off of her apartment balcony.

she's at least two stories up because she's got stairs.

they're in the emergency room. he's got a broken skull and they're going to do brain surgery.

graci's hysterical.

mom's hysterical.

I'm in my own version of hysteria

I love zacky. dude I cried I command. as soon as mom started saying not the baby, please not the baby I started.

I'm not religious and I really wish I believe in god so I could talk to someone in control.

I'll do the atheist version of praying.

hope.

I love you, zacky. all the way over in new york. across the country. love.

I had no idea what mood to put - somewhere between depressed and shocked and upset and raging and hysterical and crying and really tired and distressed and I picked scared because I don't want him to die, I haven't lost someone in like seven years, I don't know what it feels like, I'm not ready and he's not ready, dear god he's two!

EDIT;; mom called graci back.

good news!! zacky's conscious and awake and he said three words to his mom - "my head hurts." and the fact that he's awake and breathing and talking and that he can recognize the pain poses a very high chance of survival!!!!11

there's bleeding - the doctors don't know if it's just on the surface or internal yet. and there's a good chance the brain surgery won't kill him. god! he's going to live!

the doctors said that there's a high chance of something long-term, like seizures or slight brain damage. but then again, he still might not get that.

I never want my loved ones to be threatened like this ever again plz.

I was just reading a lyric from the band The Boy Least Likely To and it was kind of ironic/reassuring

"Everything ends the way it begins
God takes care of the little things."